"I didn't say he was handsome, I said he was handy." - Driving Miss Daisy

I am going to just ignore the MASS amount of time that I have gone without writing...because then I can deny it later!

So the Fall school semester started last week. I am taking 15 hours of -ology's and -isics's, and all tab time that entails. The first couple of days are always annoying. Why? Because the campus is overrun with Freshmen. If you completely ignore the fact that I hate them for their youth, they are still ripe with annoying behavior that cannot go ignored. For that purpose I have devised a list of three Do's and Don'ts for these barely-post pubescent vexations.

1) I understand that campus is big, sprawling, and rather confusing until you start to get to know your way around. You will never hear me tease the lot of you for carrying around your maps. HOWEVER, when you decide to stop and look at that map, DO NOT do it in the middle of the flipping sidewalk with no warning what-so-ever to those of us walking behind you! You will get run over!

2) Your mothers do not live here. They do not come behind you and clean up your messes, nor do they come before you and do the little things that keep your life running smoothly. Also, I am not your mother. I will NOT clean your plates up off the table at the Deli. I don't care what your dorm/apartment/off-campus house looks like, but on campus, we share space, so clean it up.No, I will not hold your place in line WHILE you shop for text books. You are going to have to wait in line holding all those big books just like the rest of us.

and finally....

3) Most of you (especially those of you living over in West Campus who drive brand new foreign cars) have never before used public transportation and are therefore confused about the bus system around campus. Again, I am fine with the necessary learning curve here. HOWEVER, should you ever be sitting on the bus in those seats up front that face each other (and this goes doubley...no, trippley for you "men") and an elderly person, or disabled person get on the bus, DO immediately get up off your selfish asses and give them a seat. (EX: Sitting on the bus Monday I saw a blind woman tap-tap-tap her way onto the bus. The bus driver had to get up and walk back to the group of map-toting young people occupying those seats and ask them if they minded giving the woman a seat. SERIOUSLY? I have never been more ashamed of anyone in my life!)

So okay, I know a lot of the freshmen on campus aren't all this obnoxious....but for those of you who are, while the official UT policy is NO HAZING, keep pissing off the upper-classmen and see where that gets you....I mean most of the people in the annual Undie Run do it voluntarily....but not all of them.....

"1) Ahh...She's Bussiness Class. 2) What's Bussiness Class? 1) You know, big butt, can't fly coach." - Swingers

One of the worst things that has ever happened to me is probably getting to fly First Class….

Working for the airlines did have its perks…and that was one of them. Employee passes are generally upgraded to first class when seats are available.

I used to LOVE flying. The excitement of getting to go new places and the feeling of superiority that came from getting to tell my friends I was flying anywhere greatly outweighed any discomfort the actual flight might bring. Of course that was before 9/11 so it was easier all around anyway….

Then I started working for the airlines….and I couldn’t believe my good fortune….the world was literally at my fingertips….ah to hop on a plane at will and arrive rested and comfortable from the pampering of free cocktails and heated hand towels….

Now, I find myself back with the little people…..usually that statement is only literal when flying in or out of Las Vegas….the opposite is generally true in coach….

I just sat on a flight from Austin to Phoenix with a screaming child in front of me, to my right, and behind me. Of course not only was the child behind me screaming, he was also trying to bend it like Beckham with the back of my seat.

But that wasn’t even the bad part. The bad part was that the children behind me were French. I know you are a little confused right now….

“What can that possibly mean?” you ask….

Well, if the children are French then it stands to reason that the parents are French…and there is a reason that France is known for its perfume….that reason is that the French are NOT known for their hygiene. They generally find it easier to douse themselves in perfume than bathe or wear deodorant.

I sat for two hours in cloud of BAD French perfume mixed heavily with BO, while being attacked by some future soccer superstar and in the midst of symphonic screaming in surround.

…..and that is just the first leg of my trip…..wish me luck!

My CPU is a neuronet processor, a learning computer.

I am in college, so I learn new things everyday...some things are interesting and some things are ridiculous....but still, you learn.

I was complaining the other day to my friend Mindy that when I get REALLY mad, I cry more than when I am sad.

Being that Mindy is eerily smart and has a gazillion letters after her name, she informs me that crying is not a physiological response to anger. (Her degrees are in Psychology and Counseling, so I trust that she knows what she is talking about here.) She goes on to say that we subconsciously use anger as an excuse to cry, but there has to be a hidden hurt to make you cry.

Armed with this thought provoking information....I did what most people do with profound knowledge.....nothing....I got on with my life.....

About two weeks ago I was at the Texas History Museum. I was wondering through the different displays when I came across an elderly African American gentleman looking at an exhibit on the contributions of African Americans to the formation and development of Texas. In particular I see that he is reading the accounts of African Americans who were persecuted later in the civil rights movement. He is standing there reading and holding the hand of a young boy of about five years old.


There are two things that I noticed. First was that there were tears in his eyes as he read the words that I know had to mean more to him personally than I could comprehend.....and second that the hand the little boy was holding had a Sponge Bob Square Pants band-aid on it. I know that the man had two hurts....one that went deep, and caused a physiological response that brought out tears....and one that could be healed by a kiss and a Sponge Bob band-aid. I also know that the first pain will be ok, because he had someone to care enough to give him the kiss and the band-aid.



I smiled at the scene in front of me and moved on the next display.



Last week I had to go to the hardware store to pick up some things for the new house. I am standing in line to check out behind an older gentleman in overalls, sun-worn leathery skin and a camouflage hat. He reminded me of my dad.....southern....handy....and leading a simple life. Holding his hand was a girl of about seven years old calling him "Grandpa". I smiled and then froze. On his arm was a Sponge Bob band aid.

I know it had to have been put there by the girl with the large eyes and pig-tails. Just like the one I had seen weeks before on the hand of the gentleman at the museum, someone had cared enough about his pain to try to patch it....and he had appreciated it enough to walk around with Sponge Bob on his arm.

As I left the hardware store I stopped at Subway to get dinner. There was a bit of a line so I had a little bit to watch the girl behind the counter. She was obviously having "one of those days". She was flustered by every order coming her way. When I made my way to the front of the line, I ordered my sandwich. When she was done, she asked if there would be anything else, and I asked for a chocolate chip cookie. She rolled her eyes and asked me if I saw any chocolate chip cookies. (The case was devoid of chocolate chip.)

Now those of you that know me know that this is usually the point in the story when I would pop off some witty remark to put her in her place, however, I had learned something this week.

I asked her instead, "What is your favorite?"

"White chocolate macadamia nut", she answered with a huff.

"I'll take two. Thank you!"

She handed me my bag at which point I dug out one of the cookies and handed it to her. Her shoulders slumped and her head dropped.

When she looked up, she had a sad smile and tear in her eye. "Thank you", she whispered.

"Your welcome!", I answered and walked outside.

I don't know what her hurt was that caused that tear, but I knew I did not have a Sponge Bob band aid......just a cookie.....

Kids Say the Darndest Things

I babysit one family here in Austin quite regularly. (Tomorrow we're going swimming....I don't know who is more excited, them or me!)

Last night it was their parent's date night so I was there to watch the kids. Kelsy is eight. Tyler just turned 7 last week, and Katherine is two. They are the most well behaved kids I have ever kept. Don't get me wrong, they are still kids, so we are acquainted with the time-out corner, but they are REALLY great kids.

Last night Katherine decided to bite Kelsy (this is a new thing...I have no idea where it came from), so I sent her to time-out. She walked over and sat down and immediately asked if she was done.

"No, ma'am. You bit your sister. You are going to stay there for two minutes (one minute for however old the kid is)."

"But, I sowwy NOW."

"I know you are, and when we are done here, you are going to go tell Kelsy that, but right now you are going to sit here and think about why you shouldn't bite your sister."

"Cuz when I bite, I gotta go time-out!"

How do you argue with that logic? Katherine constantly cracks me up and it is hard not to laugh at times like that, but last night it was Kelsy that really got to me.

Kelsy is an awesome big sister. She and Tyler butt heads some, but she is amazing with Katherine. She can be very grown up for her age sometimes. She is always asking me about college and why I want to be a doctor and stuff like that.

Last night while they were getting ready for bed, the questions started up again.

"Amy, why aren't you married?"

Well crap! "Because I am still in school and I am not ready to married right now."

"When do you want to be married?"

"I don't know Kels, maybe in a few years. But I haven't met anyone I want to marry. I have meet them and date them for a while first."

"Are you going to be a doctor or get married first?"

"I don't know...probably be a doctor."

"When you are a doctor and married, will you still babysit us?"

"Kels, by the time I am a doctor and married you won't need a babysitter anymore."

"Yes we will....we will if it's you."

Ok crying time now!

"Thanks Kelsy, that's sweet!"

"Amy, are you going to be a kid's doctor?"

"I don't know, we'll see."

"You should. You're really good with kids."

Can you see why I ADORE these kids? "Thanks sweetie. It's bed time now."

"I know. Goodnight Amy."

"Goodnight beautiful. Sweet dreams!"

I should really take her everywhere with me! She is such an ego boost! I only hope I have kids have that awesome one day!