You're an athletic girl. I'm more of a horseback-riding, wall-climbing, yoga-going type of girl. -The Princess Diaries

I have always thought that yoga was a calm....relaxing type of exercise. They have all that zeny music with the bells and pipes and stuff.....

The girls that come out of those classes look relaxed and calm and unless it is that class of yoga where you do it in a room with the heater on 100 deg, no one ever sweats. I mean if you have to do it in a sauna to break a sweat, I am thinking this is something pretty easy!

Right?

WRONG!!!

It is a smoke screen! It is a lie put out there by all those hippie-dippie waif like women who are always wanting to adjust your chakras.....

The music....I am convinced.....is really just there to muffle the inner cries of pain!

Unless you hadn't guessed by now....today was my first bout with yoga....

We did it in the water, which I think had to be a lot easier than regular yoga because it is easier to balance and the buoyancy of the water displaces some of your weight (yeah I'm a nerd)....and still I wanted to SCREAM!!!

I mean Buddha is supposed to a tranquil god....

again......no......he is the Indian god of Torture.....I mean, just look at him.....there is evil in those eyes...

One hour after my battle with Buddha, I was sore in places that I did not know existed.....and yet.....my chakras have never been more in line....whatever that means.....

My CPU is a neuronet processor, a learning computer.

I am in college, so I learn new things everyday...some things are interesting and some things are ridiculous....but still, you learn.

I was complaining the other day to my friend Mindy that when I get REALLY mad, I cry more than when I am sad.

Being that Mindy is eerily smart and has a gazillion letters after her name, she informs me that crying is not a physiological response to anger. (Her degrees are in Psychology and Counseling, so I trust that she knows what she is talking about here.) She goes on to say that we subconsciously use anger as an excuse to cry, but there has to be a hidden hurt to make you cry.

Armed with this thought provoking information....I did what most people do with profound knowledge.....nothing....I got on with my life.....

About two weeks ago I was at the Texas History Museum. I was wondering through the different displays when I came across an elderly African American gentleman looking at an exhibit on the contributions of African Americans to the formation and development of Texas. In particular I see that he is reading the accounts of African Americans who were persecuted later in the civil rights movement. He is standing there reading and holding the hand of a young boy of about five years old.


There are two things that I noticed. First was that there were tears in his eyes as he read the words that I know had to mean more to him personally than I could comprehend.....and second that the hand the little boy was holding had a Sponge Bob Square Pants band-aid on it. I know that the man had two hurts....one that went deep, and caused a physiological response that brought out tears....and one that could be healed by a kiss and a Sponge Bob band-aid. I also know that the first pain will be ok, because he had someone to care enough to give him the kiss and the band-aid.



I smiled at the scene in front of me and moved on the next display.



Last week I had to go to the hardware store to pick up some things for the new house. I am standing in line to check out behind an older gentleman in overalls, sun-worn leathery skin and a camouflage hat. He reminded me of my dad.....southern....handy....and leading a simple life. Holding his hand was a girl of about seven years old calling him "Grandpa". I smiled and then froze. On his arm was a Sponge Bob band aid.

I know it had to have been put there by the girl with the large eyes and pig-tails. Just like the one I had seen weeks before on the hand of the gentleman at the museum, someone had cared enough about his pain to try to patch it....and he had appreciated it enough to walk around with Sponge Bob on his arm.

As I left the hardware store I stopped at Subway to get dinner. There was a bit of a line so I had a little bit to watch the girl behind the counter. She was obviously having "one of those days". She was flustered by every order coming her way. When I made my way to the front of the line, I ordered my sandwich. When she was done, she asked if there would be anything else, and I asked for a chocolate chip cookie. She rolled her eyes and asked me if I saw any chocolate chip cookies. (The case was devoid of chocolate chip.)

Now those of you that know me know that this is usually the point in the story when I would pop off some witty remark to put her in her place, however, I had learned something this week.

I asked her instead, "What is your favorite?"

"White chocolate macadamia nut", she answered with a huff.

"I'll take two. Thank you!"

She handed me my bag at which point I dug out one of the cookies and handed it to her. Her shoulders slumped and her head dropped.

When she looked up, she had a sad smile and tear in her eye. "Thank you", she whispered.

"Your welcome!", I answered and walked outside.

I don't know what her hurt was that caused that tear, but I knew I did not have a Sponge Bob band aid......just a cookie.....

Wendy the Water Polo Witch

Boys and Girls.....school started this week.....


Yeah, I said it.....the phrase that strikes fear into the heart, of children, students, parents, teachers, bus drivers and lunch ladies worldwide......


For me, however, I have been kinda looking forward to this semester....after the dust settled on last semester, the score was BIO, CHEM and CALC - 0......Amy - 1. I really kicked last semester's tail (see Mom, I said tail and not ass!)....so this semester I have momentum!


This semester started like any other....minus the fact that I had to wake-up on my sofa instead of a bed since I still am rather homeless and had see my roommate's naked butt (not bad by the way) when I went into his room to get my clothes since that is where my dresser currently lives and he is evidently VERY anti-pajamas.....anywho....I digress.....


I went to my first class (Organic Chemistry) and was promptly handed a syllabus that I mistook for the text book....this sucker is HUGE....this does not bode well for me!


Then....a little sunshine.....I discovered that my second class is in the exact same room as my first....this may not seem like a big deal to you, but I go to one of the largest Universities in the nation....this is a BIG deal.....


Ok....so I am easily impressed, but still.....


I was then released to go to my swimming class! I have been looking forward to this class for months!


First, we do a fitness test to see approximately where we are physically (I already knew the answer to this question....it's a number and it stares up at me from the scale every morning...I don't like that number....) She tells us that she is going to pair us with partners of similar physical abilities for the semester.


After completing the test, our instructor tallies our scores while we introduce ourselves to the other members of the class. There are your typical 18 yr hard bodies that make me want to snap them like a twig (but I'm not bitter).....some older (and much larger) staff members....and the rest of us that range from twig to tank and everywhere in between....



One of the girls that introduced herself added that she is on the UT Water Polo team. She is a really fit girl...not twig....not tank.....just muscles. I mentally laughed "Thank God I won't be paired with her!"

WRONG!

I have no idea what my instructor was thinking, but I got stuck with Wonder Woman....

I asked her if she was sure......I mean, collegiate athlete I am not! Not even close.....I mean Water Polo?

Player...no.......pool buoy...maybe.....

I looked at her and and gave her this apologetic smile that said, "sorry your got stuck with the floatation device", but she just have me this smug little smile and asked "What? Don't you think you could keep up?"

That's it.....bitch is going down!

Clue! ummmm...in the gym with the pool buoy!

Top 10 Clues I am becoming a gym rat:



10) We have no carpet and pets...so our house needs dusting....A LOT. But, usually NOT the showers.....however, when you use the one at the gym everyday...well, ewwwww.

9) I bought extra sets of cheap hair products and make-up to keep at the gym....but the cheap ones all ended up at home and there is about 100 dollars worth of hair gel in my gym locker.

8) I got invited to the Back To School Party at the house of the guy that swipes the membership cards at the door. His name is Tim.

7) The girl with the locker under me left a note on my locker telling me she likes my perfume. It's a good thing because it usually smells like it in there.....(is that too weird?)

6) My personal trainer gave me a birthday card.

5) I have owned my new purple speedo for not even two months, but it is already too big!

4) Everything I own smells faintly of chlorine.....I mean everything...even Chloe a little...hmmmm......

3) I used to recognize people on campus from classes I have taken. It was "Hey, there's the girl from Gov that always wears those orange Crocs." or "Oooooh, there's hot guy from calculus." (Ok, that one is made up....there are NO hot guys in calculus.) You get the point. Now it's "Hey, it's the guy who swims in the fast lane, but is sooooo not fast lane worthy." and "Oooooh, there's the girl who thinks that the second treadmill from the end is her own personal treadmill and Lord help you if you are on it when she gets there."

2) I caught myself mentally re-arranging my class schedule in respect to proximity to the gym.

and finally........

1) School has been out for two weeks and I STILL have been on campus everyday....and that's just sad!

And they call him the streak.....Don't look Ethel!

I have spent most of my life in transit from one locker room to another. So, subsequently, I am not modest.

Trying to hide your "wobbly bits" and change is just a futile attempt most of the time anyway. Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those weird girls that just strip down and walk around the locker room like it was their bedroom, but it takes a lot to make me blush. I am more modest than I used to be since I now have more that wobbles, but even still....

I took an aerobics class last semester (that I had to drop since I sprained my ankle and was on crutches and a walking boot for most of the semester.....I'm so cool it hurts!) and was assigned a locker in the stadium.

Only about every third shower worked, and only about every other one of those actually had a shower curtain, so you usually waited in line if you wanted one. I did.

This summer I got a locker in Gregory Gym to use after I swim. http://www.utrecsports.org/facilities/virtualtours/list-x.php

It is nice! When tour guides are showing potential students and tuition paying parents around campus, they ALWAYS stop at Gregory. (If you have met my dad, you know this was a HUGE selling point for him.)

Even the locker rooms are great. They are very well equip. I personally have a little crush on the machine that wrings all the water out of your bathing suit so you can put it in your locker.....but that is a whole other blog....

So.....you can imagine my surprise this morning when I walked in the locker room at 8:30 after having been in the pool for an hour, to see that something was missing. I couldn't put my finger on it at first. So I shrugged it off and went to get my shower stuff from my locker.

I gathered my stuff, walked to the showers and put my stuff down in one of the stalls.

That's when it hit me......NO SHOWER CURTAINS......NONE!

I don't know what happened....maybe they were being washed, or they got new ones....or what? But I do know that they were not hanging on the rods!

I stood there like a deer in the headlights for a good two to three minutes. I had no idea what to do.....do I get in and let any number of girls see my wobblies....or do I reek of chlorine for the rest of the day....it was hands down the HARDEST DECISION OF MY LIFE!!!!!

I'm talking, it was up there with:

1) What should be my life's work? (still working on that one)
2) Should I marry this man? (oops)
3) Should I tell her she has a booger hanging out her nose? (always!)

In the end.....I just went for it.....I found a stall down at the end so that not everyone that walked through would have to see me.

I stripped down and took the fastest shower of my life! I still didn't get out without someone choosing the stall right across from me...who does that?

I wrapped up in my towel and started to walk out of the shower area. I get about half way down when I see one of the girls that was in the pool with me earlier drape her towel over the rod to use as a curtain.

Easy for the swimmers! I think. They have those big beach towels that would work perfectly for a.......well crap!

To the girl in the stall across from me....sorry.....I should have thought of the towel thing.....I mean fool me once, shame on you....fool me twice....no, shame on you again....don't pick a stall right across from someone if you can avoid it.....it's just rude!

I'm H2O intolerant.

Yesterday I learned how to swim! (Well, kinda, it's a process.)

I met Helen (my personal trainer) at the lane pool on campus. Her first question to me is,"You know how to swim right?"

"Well, I know how to not drown."

"You never learned how to swim?"

"I grew up in the country. I learned how to swim when my dad threw me off the boat. I mean the only time I really had to swim was when I fell off the skis."

"No way."

"Yeah. I had a sister once, but she was a slow learner."

"What!?!"

"Ok, the last part was a joke. But the rest of it is true."

"We had to take swimming in school."

"Yeah well our idea of water sports involved a bass boat and a cooler."

"Are you telling me you can't swim to the other end of the pool and back?"

"Gosh no! I can absolutely do that....it just ain't gonna be pretty!"

So she spent the next hour really breaking down the mechanics of the freestyle and the breaststroke. And guys....I LOVE it!

I went again this morning. I just crave it. My only fear is that I will end up with huge shoulders and no breasts...but that is just a sacrifice I may have to make.

That and the reoccurring sight of me in a purple Speedo.... shudder.

Help me help you!

I have gotten FAT!

Any of you that have seen me in the last few years are already well aware....

I have also gotten fed up with complaining about it so this summer I have really gotten busy doing something about it. I started eating better and working out more....

What?

Ok yeah I could have taken the "more" out and left that sentence just "I started eating better and working out" and it would have still been true....geez give a girl a break!

Anyway, I have done pretty good this summer...I have lost over 20 lbs!!

(pause for all the screams of congratulations and applause)

Oh, thank you! Stop! Really! Oh, you're too kind.......don't stop!

However, my weight loss has started to plateau and I CAN'T have that....so today was my first session with my personal trainer Helen...aka Ass Kicker!

(You should know that it has taken me an hour and a half to type this much because even my fingers are sore.)

THIS WOMAN IS INSANE......and WAY too happy at WAY too early in the morning.

I met her at 9 am (ok...to all of you that are laughing now because you think that 9 is NOT early....I would just like to remind you that I am in college....where the average alarm clock rarely goes off before noon and bed time is somewhere between two and three a.m. ...for most that is because that is when the bars close....sadly for me that is just a coincidence.)

I will say this about getting to the gym at the crack of dawn (Mom, I left out my little saying there just for you!) it is pretty empty. So, I didn't feel like there were A LOT of people watching when she had me lay across a big ball and stick my LARGE butt up in the air to do some extremely painful exercises. However, the ones that are there look like entries in the Arnold Schwarzenegger and Christy Brinkley look-a-like contests.

Anyway, back to Helen....this chick was literally bouncing off the walls, and by the end of my hour I wanted to bounce her off the walls....and I would have....if I could have lifted my arms.

But seriously, she was great. I only wanted to maim her about half the time and lucky for her it was the second half so I couldn't have even if I really wanted to. I know that she will help me get back to the healthy girl I used to be.

SOOOOOO....I am really going to put myself out there....all mumble mumble cough cough pounds of me, and let you all hold me accountable. I submit to you all my before picture....



Oops.....wrong one.....here we go....



And hopefully there will be an after picture fairly soon to follow.....wish me luck!!!