Bye Bye Birdie!

Guys....my cool reserve and abundance of grace knows no bounds.....

"Why?" you ask.

Well, I'll tell you......because it takes a whole new level of talent and dexterity to take a SUV, speed it up to 70 mph.....and ram it into a bird.

You heard me....a bird...I swear it was the freakiest thing. I am driving along talking to Chloe (yes that is my dog...shut up) and all of a sudden this gigantic bird...I think it was an albatross....swoops down and flies right into the grill of my car!

I was stunned....

The weirdest stuff happens to me. Anyway, so I was upset that I had killed a bird....and there was no doubt it was dead. The impact shook my whole car.

But, by the time I actually got home I was over it and had moved on mentally. I mean hey, mourning is OK for a while, but there comes a time to pick up and move on with your life.

So I did. I took Chloe inside for a while and then came back out to head to work. When I came back outside I walked to my car and froze. It was one of those I-know-something-is-wrong-but-I-don't-know-what moments.

Then, unfortunately, I figured it out. Sticking out the grill of my car like a hood ornament, was the head of the kamikaze bird! Now, the body was there too, but it was just jammed into my car, so it wasn't visible....

I just stood there and stared! Holy crap! How the heck am I supposed to get that out of my car? Without touching it?

And then it hit.....I'm not! My little brother Jared is! He was coming into town that afternoon to help me move my new couch (p.s. it's awesome), so he could do it then! I was very relieved and went to work.

Unfortunately, when I got off of work that Sunday evening, it was raining (not the best couch moving weather). So we put it off.....

Here's something you may not know about birds. When they die, they rot. When they rot, they stink. If you get one stuck in the grill of your car in August, MAKE SURE YOU PUT YOUR AIR CONDITIONING ON RECIRCULATE!!!!! Especially if your selfish brother refuses to drive up from San Marcos for the sole purpose of removing said bird.

So.....on Tuesday, (yeah that is three days later) I had to beg and plead and promise all sorts of things I won't repeat to get my most AWESOME guy friend ever, Sam, to remove the bird! It stunk and was gross and WAY out of the range of things I am willing to do.

When I got into my bird-free car that night, I was struck by a realization.

Guys are like gas stations....on every corner when you don't need one, but no where to be found when you do!