"a) You're blocking my view. b) Which view is that? a) The one you're blocking!" -- Charade

I spent today on campus studying. Not an abnormal Sunday for me....

However, when I got the my favorite little cubby in the Union....someone was already there....so, I went to my second favorie....taken.....and so on....

So I wondered around a while and found the Meditation Room. The instructions on the door only said that the room was designated to be used for quiet reflection. Inside the room was only a rug and a small wooden rack. I had no idea what the rack was for, but I thought "Eh....I'm gonna go reflect on my Genetics Exam" and made myself comfortable on the rug.

I had been there for a few hours, amazed by how quiet and perfect this little room was! No one had come in, no one was loudly talking on a cell phone, no one was foolish enough to believe that ear buds make a difference when you have the volume turned all the way up on your iPod. I had gotten so much done, I decided to take a break and looked around. For me, the dominating feature of the room was the very large window, which from my view, perfectly framed tower. I sat there ruminating on the view and all that the tower represents when I noticed that my perfect view was marred. Right in the middle of the window was a very large glob of bird poop.

As I am trying to ignore the poop, the door to the Meditation Room opens, and in streams a group of Muslims that are looking at me with utter confusion....and I know.....

The pretty rug I am sprawled across....the rack in the corner, a perfect size for holding shoes, but that is now being used to prop up my genetics notes.....the very large window with a clear view of the Eastern sky....I am in their prayer room! I am actually disrespecting their prayer room.

I quickly gathered up my things and practically ran from the room, but as I looked back over my shoulder to make sure I hadn't left my coffee up on a picture of Muhammad or anything, I again saw the bird doo.

Let that be a lesson....things may seem absolutely perfect, but that just means you haven't noticed the shit yet!

Bye Bye Birdie!

Guys....my cool reserve and abundance of grace knows no bounds.....

"Why?" you ask.

Well, I'll tell you......because it takes a whole new level of talent and dexterity to take a SUV, speed it up to 70 mph.....and ram it into a bird.

You heard me....a bird...I swear it was the freakiest thing. I am driving along talking to Chloe (yes that is my dog...shut up) and all of a sudden this gigantic bird...I think it was an albatross....swoops down and flies right into the grill of my car!

I was stunned....

The weirdest stuff happens to me. Anyway, so I was upset that I had killed a bird....and there was no doubt it was dead. The impact shook my whole car.

But, by the time I actually got home I was over it and had moved on mentally. I mean hey, mourning is OK for a while, but there comes a time to pick up and move on with your life.

So I did. I took Chloe inside for a while and then came back out to head to work. When I came back outside I walked to my car and froze. It was one of those I-know-something-is-wrong-but-I-don't-know-what moments.

Then, unfortunately, I figured it out. Sticking out the grill of my car like a hood ornament, was the head of the kamikaze bird! Now, the body was there too, but it was just jammed into my car, so it wasn't visible....

I just stood there and stared! Holy crap! How the heck am I supposed to get that out of my car? Without touching it?

And then it hit.....I'm not! My little brother Jared is! He was coming into town that afternoon to help me move my new couch (p.s. it's awesome), so he could do it then! I was very relieved and went to work.

Unfortunately, when I got off of work that Sunday evening, it was raining (not the best couch moving weather). So we put it off.....

Here's something you may not know about birds. When they die, they rot. When they rot, they stink. If you get one stuck in the grill of your car in August, MAKE SURE YOU PUT YOUR AIR CONDITIONING ON RECIRCULATE!!!!! Especially if your selfish brother refuses to drive up from San Marcos for the sole purpose of removing said bird.

So.....on Tuesday, (yeah that is three days later) I had to beg and plead and promise all sorts of things I won't repeat to get my most AWESOME guy friend ever, Sam, to remove the bird! It stunk and was gross and WAY out of the range of things I am willing to do.

When I got into my bird-free car that night, I was struck by a realization.

Guys are like gas stations....on every corner when you don't need one, but no where to be found when you do!