"Now, I return to this young fellow. And the communication I have got to make is, that he has great expectations." - Charles Dickens

To be a good person you really have to have a higher level of expectations for yourself than you do for others.

But that is tricky business.....it means you have further to fall......

Mooooovin' on Up....to the East Side.....

Yesssssssss......I am moooovin'!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so I HATE moving, but you just don't understand.....well maybe you do.....have you read Nightmare on Pleasant Valley Drive? My apartment complex is SUPER scary! Every time I have to park farther than right in front of my apartment when I come home late at night, I call my closest guy friend (I meant in proximity, but the other meaning is true as well) Logan to talk to me on the walk to my door.

What can he do if something happens and he is on the phone and not there is person......

Well, I don't know..... I guess maybe hang up and call the cops....

Well, yeah I guess a girl COULD do that just as easily....

Geez....so evidently I am a little sexist....so sue me!

Anyway....the dust has cleared and the survivors are burying their dead....(wow....that was morbid even for me....) but an agreement has been reached with my apartment complex and I get to leave without owing them my first born child.

However, that means:

1) I actually have to move....which I ABHOR!
and.....
2) I have to find a place!

I was super excited about getting to live alone after my last roommate debacle (not you Lindsay...you are awesome), but now that the scars have healed some, I am fine with the idea of a roommate. Plus, I have learned that living alone does not actually mean that I am ever alone.....

Sooooooo....wish me luck as I weed through the lovable freaks and scary oddballs that inhabit my fair city to hopefully find someone to share a space with......

Nightmare on Pleasant Valley Drive

Guys! You remember my cute new little apartment that I was ranting and raving over just one short month ago?

You know, the one that was a little more hooker than pimp? Yeah? Well, it's a little MORE a lot of things....

little more robbers than cops (although I am quite sure that there have been many a COPS episode filmed on property)

little more dope head than just dope

little more riotous than righteous

OK! OK! I'm done....but you get my point! This place is a nightmare!

I have had the windows on my car smashed to steal my stereo, something stuck in my gas tank so I need a whole new fuel pump, and very large men with screwdrivers banging on my door at night screaming for me to call the cops cuz "they're gonna jump me". (I did call the cops, but more because there was a very large man with a screwdriver at my door......they never showed up by the way.)

They have however been there four times this week. I am not sure what for, but the sound of sirens right outside my door has become the soundtrack to my life.

Soooooooooo.......basically, I think I am moving again! If I can get out of my lease that is.....evidently being scared out of my ever-lovin' mind is not a sufficient legal reason to break a lease.

Who knew?

Who knew?

I learned some things about myself this week from the weirdest places.

1) Although my favorite color is red, I am inexplicably drawn to pink. I thought I was NOT a girl who loved pink. It's such a girly color. However, I went through my clothes this week to get rid of some stuff for Goodwill. (The more I purge, the less I have to move.)

My room is usually a mess. I am really weird in that I am kinda anal in a weird way. Once I start a project, it has to be PERFECT. So, I usually avoid organizing. If I get started, it can't be a quick clean....oh no....it is a four hour job!

However, I thought "I'm moving, so I need to get my clothes and closet in order." BAD IDEA. I have three garbage bags of clothes for Goodwill, and still my closet is packed....and arranged by seasons.....and color coordinated.....with matching hangers....separated by coordinated accessories. AGGGGGGGGHHHHHH.....but it is soooo pretty now.

When I was done, I stepped back to view my handy work. And then it hit me....PINK!!!

Who knew?

2) I am scared of heights. I have known this for a while. Again....this is not your normal I'm-high-off-the-ground-so-I-am-scared fear. Oh no, that would be far too normal for me. If I am strapped into something I am fine. I LOVE roller coasters, airplanes, ski lifts....you get the picture. However, driving on a ledge, hiking on a ledge....pretty much anything where the only thing keeping from falling is well....me.....SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME!!!!!! Guys, I'm clumsy....we all know this....if I am what is keeping me from falling....well....the odds are NOT in my favor.

Anyway, this week I learned this fear also extends to deep water. Since the school is closed for the next two weeks between semesters, the outdoor lap pool that I have been using doesn't open until 9 am. I was forced to use the Natatorium (indoor lap pool). Guys....it's like 10 feet!

No need to get into the embarrassing antics that ensued, but just be sure, I won't be in there again...until tomorrow.....Helen is really into torture!

Who knew?

3) I had five of these but apparently my attention span is shorter than I thought...

Who knew?

That web ain't Charlotte's!

These used to be my cowgirl boots....now they are my big-ass-spider-killers.

We just had the biggest spider I have ever seen outside of a cage waltz right into our house when Lindsay opened the front door.

Dang thing thought he owned the place! Of course, if he hadn't been blocking our escape route we would have been more than happy to leave it to him!

Lindsay screamed at me from the living room to come help her and I ran into the living room.

She was standing on the arm of one of my living room chairs pointing to a spider the size of a a golf ball....we initially said two golf balls, but I think that might have been an exaggeration....maybe.

Lindsay screamed for me to kill it...but I DO NOT DO SPIDERS. I can kinda handle snakes, and most bugs but NOT spiders.

I ran back to my room and put on my boots...cuz well...they're big and thick the spider would have to run up my leg to get to any good biting real estate.

After a intense game of paper-rock-scissors, I "won" the job of killing the spider. So, in a very impressive feat of strength I moved the couch that the spider was now hiding under (I honestly don't know how it fit), ran over and jumped with all my might on the little bugger. (Fred, that pun's for you!)

Ok, there was a bit of screaming.....ok, a lot of screaming.....but that spider is now a golf ball sized gooey blob out on our front porch!

And I can probably never wear those boots again.....

EDIT NOTE:

You know how in horror movies, the killer bug/alien/zombie/half-man half-chainsaw is NEVER dead the first time you shoot/stab/impale/burn it? Well with that in mind....the gooey blob was NOT on my porch when I left for the gym this morning....

Mr.Toad

OMG!!! I just had the most girlie moment ever!

I like to think that I don't usually squeal at gross things and I am not scared of or shy away from things that are traditionally squeal-girl-worthy.

Yes mother I know I won't go in the attic, but that is a scary stairs thing not a dark and dank thing....

And yes, Dad, I know I won't go out in the shop by myself at night, but that is not a dark creepy crawly bug thing, that is a....ok that IS a creepy crawly bug thing, but I don't scare away when I can actually see them...it's the fear of the unknown in the dark.....

Anyway, tonight I embarrassed myself....

I went to let the dogs out the sliding glass door to the back yard. It has been raining like mad here for hours and it had slowed to a mere monsoon so I thought I would let the girls out now so they wouldn't get quite as wet.

I opened the door, let them run out to do their business and stood in the doorway to wait like a good dog mommy. That's when it happened...

A BIG ASS TOAD JUMPED IN MY HOUSE AND LANDED A MILLIMETER FROM MY FOOT!!!!!

I SQUEALED!!!! I couldn't help it! Then I screamed for Lindsay (coolest roomie ever) to come help me....

It all happened so fast! I tried to suck the squeal and the words back in, but no such luck. It was already out there....It's official, today I am a five year old girl!

I know you are all trembling with trepidation, but no worries, we used the dog bowls to corral the beast and usher it back outside.

PHHHWEW!!!