"OOPS? No, Ed. Oops is falling down an elevator shaft. Oops is skinny dipping in a school of pirrahna. This was no OOPS. This was AAGGHH!"

First let me explain my morning....wait...let's start last night...hell...let's get a good look at this week....

Monday was a holiday....I worked....then stayed up LATE working on my physics homework.

Tuesday was spent sitting crouched over that same physics HW...then class...then work...then at work till 12:30pm finishing that HW with one of my bosses (I LOVE YOU SCOTT :)).

Wednesday was class/HW from 8 am until 8 pm....then home to read up on lab work for today.

This morning (Thursday) I woke up @ 6 (yes dang it, that is early) because I have Geology lab @ 8 am...which really is a crime in itself...but I woke up, let Chloe outside, and went into the bathroom to shower, make-up, hair....etc. Let me just say...at this point I knew I was tired and this week was taking its toll, but I was wholly unaware that I was in a bad mood.

Sometime in the middle of this ritual, I hear my roommate come out of his room and walk to the bathroom. He stops when he sees me in there, and I just turned and said, "Sucks to be you huh?"

WHAT?! He hadn't done ANYTHING wrong except walk in on me and my bad mood! I mumbled my apologies to his dropped jaw and shut the door for his protection.

When I was ready to head out, I went downstairs and saw that my other roommate had cleaned the living room and dining room while I slept (THANKS B)...normally a real mood lifter...but evidently not.

I got to school, got my soy Chai latte and went to lab...at which point I walked in right as he was beginning lecture and spilled my latte all over the table.

(aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhh......normally that would be in caps, but I lack the energy...)

So I ran to the bathroom to get towels, cleaned it up and proceeded to test a bunch of rocks...

When it was over, I thought "Finally, a BREAK!" I had every intention of curling up in chair for half an hour (before starting my microbiology lab report) and reading something educationally worthless! Like a smut novel, or Harry Potter....

So on my way to my favorite cushy chair on campus, I stopped for another latte since I got 2 sips from the first one....and I saw this girl....

Let me first say that this girl was LARGE...I know large....she was MUCH larger than that... and she had one of those walking cast/boot things and one crutch (both of which I am also intimately acquainted)....all of these factors meant she was going SLOW....but come on, poor thing was probably in a worse mood than me!

So as I waited for her to pass so I could get to my cushy chair, these two guys in the frat boy uniform (polo shirt in some neon color, khaki shorts, and deck shoes) come up behind her and start loudly going "Damn! That girl is BIG."

And that's when it happened...I accidentally (on purpose) lost my second (HOT) latte of the day all down the front of their uniforms....

I really am not fit to be around people today....

Who knew?

I learned some things about myself this week from the weirdest places.

1) Although my favorite color is red, I am inexplicably drawn to pink. I thought I was NOT a girl who loved pink. It's such a girly color. However, I went through my clothes this week to get rid of some stuff for Goodwill. (The more I purge, the less I have to move.)

My room is usually a mess. I am really weird in that I am kinda anal in a weird way. Once I start a project, it has to be PERFECT. So, I usually avoid organizing. If I get started, it can't be a quick clean....oh no....it is a four hour job!

However, I thought "I'm moving, so I need to get my clothes and closet in order." BAD IDEA. I have three garbage bags of clothes for Goodwill, and still my closet is packed....and arranged by seasons.....and color coordinated.....with matching hangers....separated by coordinated accessories. AGGGGGGGGHHHHHH.....but it is soooo pretty now.

When I was done, I stepped back to view my handy work. And then it hit me....PINK!!!

Who knew?

2) I am scared of heights. I have known this for a while. Again....this is not your normal I'm-high-off-the-ground-so-I-am-scared fear. Oh no, that would be far too normal for me. If I am strapped into something I am fine. I LOVE roller coasters, airplanes, ski lifts....you get the picture. However, driving on a ledge, hiking on a ledge....pretty much anything where the only thing keeping from falling is well....me.....SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME!!!!!! Guys, I'm clumsy....we all know this....if I am what is keeping me from falling....well....the odds are NOT in my favor.

Anyway, this week I learned this fear also extends to deep water. Since the school is closed for the next two weeks between semesters, the outdoor lap pool that I have been using doesn't open until 9 am. I was forced to use the Natatorium (indoor lap pool). Guys....it's like 10 feet!

No need to get into the embarrassing antics that ensued, but just be sure, I won't be in there again...until tomorrow.....Helen is really into torture!

Who knew?

3) I had five of these but apparently my attention span is shorter than I thought...

Who knew?

Toe Pick!

Grace is NOT my middle name....

Today I weed whacked my finger....I don't know how....Ok...I do know how...but it's too embarrassing to rehash...I will just say this...If you think the string has broken off the weed whacker, let it completely stop spinning before you reach down there to check. It IS possible that there is still a small piece on there that is not long enough to actually whack weeds, but is the perfect size to take dang near all the skin off your knuckle....just maybe.

Those of you that know me well, know that this is VERY normal for me. I am probably the only person you know that has sprained both ankles on separate occasions, but in the same night. (I also broke a nose that night...not mine...and it wasn't an accident....but still!) Or who has not only slammed their own fingers in a door, but two other people's as well.

My first real job in high school was a summer job at a nursing home (oh the stories I have from that summer). I hadn't even been there a week before I was nicknamed "Lurch" (you know....like from the Addams Family...You Rang!). I didn't get this name from dropping trays, tripping, or any other normal klutzy stuff...I mean I DID do all that, that's just not how I got the name. Oh no....I am a gold medal winning klutz....

I ALMOST KILLED A LADY! No, I am not exaggerating. The depths of my klutziness knows no bounds...I guess I should preface this by telling you what my duties were. I was an environmental aide. Basically this means I changed the "soiled" linens. (P.S. Soiled means pooped or peed on...usually both.) I did get to call bingo and stuff from time to time, but pretty much, I changed beds.

Anyway, one day I was in this lady's room changing her bed. She was sitting in her recliner while I was doing my stuff. She was a really nice lady and we would talk while I worked. She was also hooked up to an oxygen machine. She could not be without it. So that day, we were talking and I had crawled under the bed because the bed pad had not caught all of the....well....soil. I finished cleaning up, crawled back out and continued on with whatever story I was telling her at the time. On my way back out from under the bed, I snagged my foot, but one good yank took care of it.

"Anyway Mrs. Stewart, so I told her that she was crazy and there was no reason to be that dramatic about something so trivial."

Weird sucking noise coming from behind me.

"Wow Mrs. Stewart, you sound like you need another steroid treatment. That is sounding bad. But anyways, she of course got MAD and told me to mind my own business. But, well I can't do that."

More frequent weird sucking noises.

At this point I decided to stop talking for a minute (rare enough in and of itself) and turn around.

The poor woman was turning BLUE.

HOLY CRAP....my shoe! I had unplugged her machine with my shoe! By the time my clumsy ass found the cord and got her plugged back in, she was in bad shape. It took her a while to be able to talk, and of course the whole time I sound like a broken record.

"Oh my gosh...I'm so sorry! Oh wow, I am SO sorry! Are you ok? I am so sorry!"

When she is finally able to talk, all that saint of a woman says, "It's ok honey, it happens all the time."

Bless her little heart! Sweet thing just lied through her false teeth.

The next day I was Lurch and really, I still haven't lost the nick name....

Everybody has words that are a staple to their everyday vocabulary.

Mine are "oops" and "seriously" (ok, and "like", but I am like totally trying stop that one...seriously!".

I think my dad repeats the Serenity Prayer when he is dealing with me.....

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change;

Yesterday:

"Ok, Dad, I got the a/c checked on my car...the guy said he doesn't know what's wrong with it! He said they added more freon and vacuumed out the system, but it's still not working. The compressor is cycling but no cold air!"

"What guy Amy?"

"The Jiffy Lube guy. He said for me to check the spark plugs, cuz that's all he can think of."

"The what?!?"

"The spark plugs."

"Amy....(he always says my name and then follows with a long pause when he is frustrated with me)....are you SURE he said spark plugs?"

"Yeah, and I checked the spark plug for the a/c but it is fine. I told him that didn't make sense because the compressor wouldn't start at all if it was the spark plug."

"Wait you checked the spark plug?"

"Yeah, Dad, what's wrong?"

"Amy.....(another long pause)....where were the spark plugs you checked?"

"Well, there are some in the car and some in the engine, in the box thingy...you know they are all different colors and say either 10, 20 or 40."

courage to change the things I can;

"Oh sweet *&##%#% (I'll let you fill in the blank here.), Amy, those are fuses, not spark plugs....whatever you do, don't go in the A/C place and tell them you checked the spark plugs. They will take you for everything you've got!"

"Oh, well, geez dad, you know what I meant!"

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Today:

"Dad, the A/C guy says I need a whole new compressor and kind of valve thingy."

"Amy, are you still at the repair shop?"

"Yes sir."

"Then just hand the nice man your phone honey."

10 minutes later the guy hands me back my phone:

"Ok, Amy they are going to take you home now and your car will be ready tomorrow. Can you find a ride to work in the morning?"

"Yes sir, what is wrong with my a/c."

....

"Dad?"

"It's the spark plugs."

"You are not funny!"

Chuckles come over the line.

Amen.