"No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater...than central air." - Dogma

Today I thought all of my sins had caught up with me...

Sunday mornings in my house are pretty much the same every week...no one works, and no one stirs before eleven...except the dogs of course.

They usually wake early and demand to be let out sometime around or before 8. At which point I drag myself out of bed, stumble to the back door, let them out, and stumble back to my room....

At this point I am forced to turn on the high powered, industrial sized, incredibly LOUD fan Logan left behind so the the constant barks of my dogs to not keep me awake.

Because on Sundays....oh my do they bark!

Ok, confession time! My dogs are racists. Chloe and Rasta will bark like banshees if a black person (excuse me...African American) is around. I have NO idea why....but they do. Also, Chloe HATES people in hats. She will bark and bark till you take it off....

Anyway...back to my Sunday morning....

We live across from a church...now I hesitate to call it a black church....but lets face it....it is, as only black people attend this church. Also, all the little old ladies at this church are VERY fond of Sunday hats. You see where this is going....

Anyway, so every Sunday morning as the parishioners arrive, my dogs go NUTS!!!! (thus the fan) However, this morning...crickets...NOTHING....

I didn't notice at first, but as I turned off the fan later that morning.....I realized the silence was deafening.

I went to the window to look across the street and realized...NO ONE WAS THERE...not a single car or anything. That's when it hit me...the rapture had come...and I had been left behind....

"SHIT!" I yelled....and then realized maybe that reaction could be indicative as to WHY I was left behind....but still....SHIT!

So I called my parents house immediately....and like any good God-fearing Christian home at 11 o'clock on a Sunday morning....no one answered....or were they just gone....

Two hours later my phone rings....it's my parent's house....FINALLY!

"Dad?" I ask.

"Yeah!" he said...."How'd you know it was me? Usually your mom calls."

"Well Dad," I say, "If the rapture had happened and someone from that house is calling me.....well, lets just say I am pretty sure Mom will be missed!"

He didn't get it....and that is probably best!