I am constantly amazed at what I learn for the small price of tuition, room, board, hours of mind numbing studying and total lack of a love life (AKA college).
But I think I actually learned something in my Biology class that explains some of the last one........
Ok, so maybe I have learned a lot in Biology that applies to a love life, but minds out of the gutters people! This is a family show!
We were learning about pre-zygotic (before the sperm and egg join to make a zygote) and post-zygotic (after fertilization) breeding barriers between different species. There are eight total......and THEY ALL apply to my life....but lets just look at the pre-zygotic barriers since post-zygotic barriers are just a pipe dream for me.
First we need to admit that men are DEFINITELY a whole other species.....I mean come on.....
OK....you get my point....
The first one is GEOGRAPHICAL....this is pretty self explanatory....the classic example here is two species that live on opposite sides of the grand canyon may be physically able to mate, but since they are divided geographically that will never happen. In the modern world of planes, trains and automobiles, you may wonder what possible geographical barriers there could be. It's simple people....I live on one side of this huge chasm and men live on the other.....but I call the chasm reality. I got a call from my ex yesterday.....and it hit me why we were never going to work.....for him, reality is an elusive creature.
The second barrier is.....HABITAT.....this is basically the fish and the bird thing....even if by some miracle they were in the same place at the same time and able to make a baby.....a fird....or a bish.....where would it live? I am a bird living with a bunch of fish! I live in a a very.....well......odd city. The men here have euro-mullets, wear skinny jeans, can tout Niche from memory and have dark tortured souls. They can NOT however change a spark plug, sit through nine innings of baseball or sing along with The Possum.
Then there is TEMPORAL isolation.....this means bad timing.....in the animal planet this means that....lets say one species mates in the spring and the other in the winter.....I am 25 years old and in college. Lets face it people, the guys I meet on a daily basis have a maturity level that mainly revolves around beer and fart jokes. They need at least five more years to ripen on the vine....but if I wait that long, I'm afraid my melons will have moved South for the winter.....
Next is BEHAVIORAL.....In the animal world this refers to the mating rituals that certain species perform that attract a mate. For example the male of the species of bird known as the Blue Footed Booby (I didn't even make that up) does a dance before mating that draws the attention of the female to it's brightly colored feet. No foot dance....no horizontal mambo..... The mating rituals of the guys I know SERIOUSLY leave something to be desired....I mean unless "Hey baby, your tits look great in that shirt." or (now I have actually gotten this one) "Man, look at those weapons of mass destruction!" suddenly becomes the modern day Shakespeare.
Then there is GAMETIC isolation. Gametic isolation literally means that the sperm and eggs will not fuse. For whatever reason (usually because the females uterus kills the sperm.....hehehe) even though the sex happens, no baby is made.....sooooo.....basically birth control....for me, I don't see what the problem is with this one......so I will move on.....
And lastly is MECHANICAL isolation.....which means that basically, the key don't fit the lock....if you know what I mean. This is not a problem I have actually come across......not that I have seen that many keys....but still after reviewing everything it takes to get in close proximity to a good key.....I am pretty sure for now, I am going to have to keep manually opening my own lock.....
